April 2010
65 posts
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“Is it more probable that nature should go out of her course, or that a man...”
– Thomas Paine on skepticism.
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Amid Calls for Transparency, Pope Describes... →
If I may offer an alternative headline: “Sad Old Man Playing Dress-Up Mumbles Anti-Modernity Nonsense As House Burns Down Around Him”
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Announcing the official Left Behind spinoff... →
Set in the near future, “Edge of Apocalypse,” according to Zondervan, “jumpstarts the series as military-hero-turned-inventor Joshua Jordan attempts to save Manhattan from two nuclear missiles. Using his Return to Sender military defense system, Jordan finds himself facing an unbearable ransom to the nation he loves. As tensions escalate and global alliances topple, only...
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Interesting side note on my last post →
A statistical and meteorological analysis that asks the question: maybe God hates… Protestants?
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Deep down, we all knew this was coming. →
The Westboro Baptist Church has announced that it will picket the graduation of Constance McMillen, the Mississippi teen who was barred from attending her high school prom after requesting to bring her girlfriend as her date.
Sad but typical. Yet maybe, just maybe, a few residents of Itawamba County, Mississippi, will come out to see Fred Phelps. They will gaze out on his garish carnival...
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Deepak, 2pac, or 6 pack? →
Were these quotes uttered by:
An overhyped self-help guru (Deepak Chopra)
A legendary rapper who was SECRETLY KILLED by the CIA for SPEAKING THE TRUTH (Tupac Shakur)
A drunk man (6 pack)
Let me know how you score.
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“…sometimes sex is just sex; it’s what you do when you are married. Just...”
– The Internet has allowed me to experience some truly remarkable examples of Bad Religious Writing. But for some reason, none of the anti-abortion screeds, creationist treatises, or eschatological death-worshiping fan-fictions are ever as consistently bizarre as Christian sex advice.
Susan Sontag, "On Camp" →
Or, “Look At This Fucking Hipster, 1964”.
4. Random examples of items which are part of the canon of Camp: Zuleika Dobson Tiffany lamps Scopitone films The Brown Derby restaurant on Sunset Boulevard in LA The Enquirer, headlines and stories Aubrey Beardsley drawings Swan Lake Bellini’s operas Visconti’s direction of Salome and...
The History of Light and Aether →
Tell me THAT’S not a name for a poetry chapbook.
listening to "Against Me! - Burn" →
In my head for some reason.
“Our teachers made us eighth graders take turns listening to the General Assembly...”
– Bobby Egan, Eating with the Enemy
“Hey Astrid, if we’re both made of carbon, does that mean we’re...”
– Nick Cooper, to his girlfriend, Astrid Drew
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“If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher...”
– Stephen Hawking on the possibility (probability?) of hostile alien intelligence.
I suspect that this is in the news mainly as a way for the major outlets to pay a lip-service retort to critics who decry the lack of science reporting in the media. Of course, if you’ve got a science story...
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Stoned Confessions, Volume I
jawsforjesus: Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
you and I
collide
MagnusMuldoon: dan i'm so high
gah
jawsforjesus: did you get high again
MagnusMuldoon: yeah.
jawsforjesus: SHAME ON YOU.
Smoking weed is HARMFUL, and ILLEGAL
MagnusMuldoon: i am power
the all knowing
and leaking into your laptop
i am the sun and the earth
jawsforjesus: what about venus
MagnusMuldoon: the venus is pure fiction
jawsforjesus: I heard they landed probes there, you think that was faked?
MagnusMuldoon: i know because i was there.
in the studio in los angeles.
jawsforjesus: tell me about it.
MagnusMuldoon: was the boom mic holder on set
green screens
cocaine
regret
handshakes. a lot of handshakes.
my wife.
my daughter is sick.
jawsforjesus: is that why you agreed to it?
MagnusMuldoon: yes.
too busy to see her, must fulfill government obligation
digested by the machine.
way too baked.
jawsforjesus: Who orchestrated the faked landing? NASA? Department of Defense?
MagnusMuldoon: Mandela
jawsforjesus: He seems a dark horse
pardon the pun
MagnusMuldoon: RACIST
YOU LIE
jawsforjesus: was this the only government conspiracy you've been a part of?
MagnusMuldoon: killed jfk.
caused the 1988 san francisco earthquake.
murdered cobain.
jawsforjesus: I always thought the Cobain suicide was suspicious.
What was the motivation for it?
MagnusMuldoon: future revolutionary. couldn't let him be the voice of the people.
all false demigods must be eliminated
jawsforjesus: When they sent the assassins in - did they turn the lights out? So it'd be less dangerous?
MagnusMuldoon: what the fuck am i in a character
how fucking high am i
jawsforjesus: you were born an actor. embrace it.
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If by some strange turn of events it happened that...
Well, look at it this way: the Democratic party has an established history of choosing ineffectual candidates who are guaranteed to fail against even the most absurd competition. And the Republicans, for their part, are always eager to field an attention-starved diva with no qualifications to speak of. So the second part of your question is right there: Miley = Republican, Chex Mix = Democrat....
Crush, Texas & Society of the Spectacle →
readmorewikipedia:
Crush, Texas, was a temporary “city” established as a one-day publicity stunt in 1896. William George Crush, general passenger agent of the Missouri-Kansas-Texas Railroad, conceived the idea to demonstrate a train wreck as a spectacle. About 40,000 people showed up on September 15, 1896, making the new town of Crush, Texas, temporarily the second-largest city in the state.
...
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Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th... →
While you believed it to be a small, inconsequential event, all but forgotten about by those involved, sources confirmed that everybody still vividly remembers every single detail about that embarrassing day, from the frozen look of horror on your pale face, to the pungent stench of semi-digested tuna wafting through the halls.
“Oh, yeah, definitely. The kid who barfed all over his...
End Nana's pain
jawsforjesus: Grey I'm feeling sick but I still feel obliged to bother you
So here goes.
Smoke weed, or something.
Man, white people. You act silly.
Grey Johnson: FUCK WHITE PEOPLE
jawsforjesus: yeah man.
420 or something
my dick, etc.
Roll a joint for Nana, Grey.
sprinkle some arsenic in there. End Nana's pain.
Give Nana the death joint, Grey.
Grey Johnson: what.
jawsforjesus: Nana doesn't want to hurt anymore.
Ultimate Pleasure
jawsforjesus: just kidding YOUR FLAILING GIRL-ORGAN COULD NEVER MAKE A WOMAN ACHIEVE HER ULTIMATE PLEASURE
Grey Johnson: i want to stab you so badly.
Hard Rock Cafe
Grey Johnson: i ate at hard rock for 5 dollars
the quality wasn't even worth that amount honestly
jawsforjesus: hard rock is terrible
universally terrible
the only thing rock about hard rock cafe is the shit bricks you lay afterward
Grey Johnson: they had a david lee roth jumpsuit on display
i wondered how many lines of coke he did while wearing it
jawsforjesus: man you could wash that thing, snort the lint trap, and be high for days
Nothing but drugs to me
Grey Johnson: excellent. expect me around 7
jawsforjesus: I WILL NOT.
I will EXPECT to see you in HELL where you BELONG
Grey Johnson: FUCK YOU, KNEEL BEFORE ME
jawsforjesus: I WILL CUT YOU
I WILL GRIND YOU UP
I WILL SMOKE YOU IN MY SPECIAL MURDER BONG
I WILL USE YOUR VISCERA AS BONG WATER
DO YOU HEAR ME, GREGORY JOHNSTON?
YOU ARE NOTHING BUT DRUGS TO ME
Delusions, the Legislature and an implanted... →
Microchips, the woman began, “infringe on issues that are fundamental to our very existence. Our rights to privacy, our rights to bodily integrity, the right to say no to foreign objects being put in our body.”
She spoke of the “right to work without being tortured by co-workers who are activating these microchips by using their cell phones and other electronic devices.”
She continued....
Nawal El Saadawi: Egypt's radical feminist →
‘I am becoming more radical with age,” says Nawal El Saadawi, laughing. “I have noticed that writers, when they are old, become milder. But for me it is the opposite. Age makes me more angry.”
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WatchHey! Did you miss the Keyboard Cat/Crucifixion video? Well, IT’S BACK!
This Week in Terrible Old People Comics
Ah, to be young and in love and “swapping iTunes” like two cum-drunk porn stars.
Mark Trail knows his Chronic.
The exciting world of post-menopausal BDSM.
Thanks Comics Curmudgeon.
It’s Tax Day, so here’s something for...
“When Adam ate the apple,
God took away the tree.
But Adam didn’t wallow
In...”
– Matthew Lorimer Miller
Do you use Caps Lock, or do you spitefully hold... →
Believe it or not, I usually go with the Shift key. I think I like the steady, punctuating percussion of hitting one key after another with a single digit. With Caps Lock, some of the urgency of the…
Screw, shoot, marry: THREE CHRISTOPHER SCHAEFFERS →
Meet Christopher Schaeffer #1 in high school, have your first head-over-heels puppy dog romance. Screw. Break up when you both leave for college. Never really get over it. A few years and a string of earnest but ultimately futile relationships later…
“[Glenn] Beck’s “principles” are horrifically unprincipled,...”
– Slacktivist on Glenn Beck’s 9/12 project
What would you do without the internet? →
Mash my genitals into a thin paste with a hammer. I don’t know, write more letters?
How's it going? (by atroopofechoes) →
Not too bad, man. Thanks for asking.
All dogs go to heaven? (by ManofManyFrowns) →
As it turns out, ONLY dogs go to Heaven. http://www.croxlea.co.uk/RainbowBridge.html
What is your dream car? →
A fully refurbished, royal blue 1987 Chevy Camaro. http://jawsforjesus.tumblr.com/post/522276118 God I miss that car. God I miss speeding like I was 17 again.
what's your real name, Sarge? →
This is one of those questions where if you have to ask, you’ll never know. Are there people reading this who don’t know? Although, fun fact, Sarge is not far off from my real name.
