'Zine Banal Nightmare

What happens when you append the words "Charlie Brown" to the end of the title of a Jack Chick tract?

Thu, 02 May 2013 16:13:00 -0700

The answer is, “Some of the best moments in television history that never happened.

Allah Had No Son, Charlie Brown
Are Roman Catholics Christians, Charlie Brown?
Back From The Dead, Charlie Brown?
Creator or Liar, Charlie Brown?
Going Down, Charlie Brown?
Gomez is Coming, Charlie Brown
How To Get Rich, Charlie Brown
It’s Your Life, Charlie Brown!
This Was Your Life, Charlie Brown
It’s All About You, Charlie Brown!
No Fear, Charlie Brown?
Born Wild, Charlie Brown!
Trust Me, Charlie Brown
Busted, Charlie Brown!
Oops, Charlie Brown!
Sorry, Charlie Brown
It’s Not Your Fault, Charlie Brown
Let’s Fly Away, Charlie Brown!
Love The Jewish People, Charlie Brown
Some Like it Hot, Charlie Brown
Somebody Goofed, Charlie Brown
Somebody Loves Me, Charlie Brown
That’s Baphomet, Charlie Brown?
Wassup, Charlie Brown?
Where Did They Go, Charlie Brown?
Who is He, Charlie Brown?
Who Loves You, Charlie Brown?
Why Is Mary Crying, Charlie Brown?
Why Should I, Charlie Brown?
You Have a Date, Charlie Brown!
Your Big Moment, Charlie Brown
Free at Last, Charlie Brown
Kidnapped, Charlie Brown!
Moving On Up, Charlie Brown!
Payback, Charlie Brown
That Crazy Guy, Charlie Brown!
There Go The Dinosaurs, Charlie Brown
Who Cares, Charlie Brown?
Who’s Missing, Charlie Brown?
Why No Revival, Charlie Brown?
Who Murdered Clarice, Charlie Brown?

Sources here and here.

skavoovee: WHAT IS THIS FROM it’s me, circa 2024

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 19:13:13 -0800

skavoovee:

WHAT IS THIS FROM

it’s me, circa 2024

Recently uncovered transcript of a conversation with Grey, 4/13/2011

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 10:00:16 -0800

jawsforjesus: GREY COME OUT HERE QUESTION
PUT DOWN THE JERK LOTION YOUR FRIENDS NEED YOU
JERK JERK JERK
Grey: i hate you
jawsforjesus: MMRF UMF SPURRRTTT GAW JEEZ ALL OVER MY SLACKS
I CAN'T GO TO THE REGIONAL MANAGER'S MEETING WITH PROTEIN STAINS ON MY DRESS SLACKS
STUPID IDIOT CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO CHANGE INTO MY JERKIN' PANTS BEFOREHAND????? GOD WHAT A WASTE I AM
Grey: how do i block this
google
help me
jawsforjesus: AW FER CHRISTMAS' SAKE I THINK I GOT A VIRUS ON MY LATEST PORN SAFARI. COULD THIS WEDNESDAY GET ANY WORSE???????
WAS bbw_riding_sybian_explosive.mpg WORTH NOT BEING ABLE TO GET TO MY HOMEPAGE FOR????
ANSWER - NO, IT WAS NOT NEARLY AS *EXPLOSIVE* AS ADVERTISED
MORE LIKE bbw_riding_sybian_mildly_amused.mpg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LAST TIME I TRUST YOU, INTERRACIALTUBE.NET!!!!!
THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TIME I TRIED SHEMALE PORN AND ACCIDENTALLY SENT A WORM TO MY WHOLE CONTACTS LIST!!!
LESSON LEARNED; NEVER JERK IT STONED!
GAWD WHAT A NIGHT THAT WAS. I HADN'T SMOKED SINCE COLLEGE BUT TED INVITED HIS WEIRD COWORKER OVER FOR THANKSGIVING AND *WELP* OUT POPPED A JOINT AND "OH SURE I MEAN I HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING BUT WHAT THE HEY HEHEHEH YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE"
Grey: .....
jawsforjesus: TWO GULPS OF JOHNNY JAY-SMOKE LATER AND I WAS "UH SEE YOU AROUND GUYS" AND BACK HOME TO RUB MYSELF RAW

There’s a guy I know from middle school who just posted an Instagram of his handgun permit to...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:22:00 -0800

There’s a guy I know from middle school who just posted an Instagram of his handgun permit to Facebook. A few days after Columbine, on the bus ride to school, this same guy made a point of loudly asking me if was carrying a gun in my backpack.

Why am I even friends with this prick in the first place

christiannightmares: The most and least Bible-minded cities in...

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:37:17 -0800

christiannightmares:

The most and least Bible-minded cities in America (For an article and infographic, click image or here; For the heads up, thanks to Todd Rhoades; For a related video, click here http://christiannightmares.tumblr.com/post/4857797863/celebrate-freedom-a-christian-man-in-a-patriotic)

FUCK YES! PROVIDENCE RHODE ISLAND! LUCIFER IS LORD

minestuck: alternate title: young children gawk at flaming...

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 18:07:47 -0800

minestuck:

alternate title: young children gawk at flaming homosexuals

Don’t you tell Dracula what he can and can’t drink

(there is vodka in there and he is getting tooooooasty)

I can’t believe the period in my life when I would get together with my friends and play...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 14:57:52 -0800

I can’t believe the period in my life when I would get together with my friends and play Goldeneye 64 with big head mode and paintball cheats on and the period in my life when I started smoking weed didn’t overlap

I confess I can’t read Gabby Schulz’s work very...

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 15:07:10 -0800

I confess I can’t read Gabby Schulz’s work very often because, um, it’s a huge downer, but when it comes to unflinchingly honest portrayals of depression, he’s second-to-goddamn-none.

I’m going to hell

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 11:17:41 -0800

I’m going to hell

ohnojackchick: traxploitation Oh hey, I remember this episode...

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 10:00:30 -0800

ohnojackchick:

traxploitation

Oh hey, I remember this episode of The Wire.

interrobangzine: Our first meeting using Google Hangout instead...

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 18:40:21 -0800

interrobangzine:

Our first meeting using Google Hangout instead of Skype, now that we are officially split across the country (Providence RI, New Orleans LA, Portland OR).

Please excuse the goofy faces. Or not. Whatever. You wish your meetings were this fun.

My hat says “DUBSTEP” but my heart says “an independent publication for the arts”

The Low Anthem - This God Damn House The first time I heard this...

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 10:00:27 -0800

The Low Anthem - This God Damn House

The first time I heard this song, they were performing it live in an abandoned pasta factory in Central Falls, RI, and to this day, it sends shivers up my spine when I listen to it.

Help Save Backspace!

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 21:52:40 -0800

Help Save Backspace!:

fuckyeahportland:

mama-and-lo:

So I know that it may not hold a lot of meaning to you, but Backspace is a Portland All-Ages Coffee Shop/Venue/Internet cafe, and they have recently been told by their landlord that if they don’t have $10,000 by the first of January that they need to basically GTFO. Backspace is not just a venue, though, it’s a pivotal part of the local community, I have numerous personal friends who have had the opportunity to play shows thee, and to lose it would be crushing for so many people. They don’t just have concerts, though, they have monthly art shows, and the biggest weekly poetry slam on the west coast. It’s a place of art, a place for people of all ages to expose themselves to culture which, in Portland, can be hard for people under 21 to find access to.

Honestly, if you want to know exactly what this place means to the local community, just read the comments on the campaign, hell read the campaign at all.

I know it’s the holidays and money is tight for a lot of people, but if people could give ANYTHING at all it would help to save a place which means so much to so many people, and even if you can’t give monetarily, reblogging and getting the word out can help just as much.

Thank you all <3

dudes! get on it

I’ve only been here a few months, but in that time I’ve been to three mind-blowing concerts at Backspace. I doubt anyone from PDX reads this regularly, but fuck, I’d be crushed if they went out of business.

The Westboro Baptist Church is back in the news? Check....

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 10:00:37 -0800

The Westboro Baptist Church is back in the news? Check. Christmas approaching? Check. Cue shameless plug: read or re-read my dumb e-zine, Space Bigots.

paulmasonnews: This is the wall at Paternas, outside Valencia,...

Sun, 16 Dec 2012 14:48:13 -0800

paulmasonnews:

This is the wall at Paternas, outside Valencia, where 2300 Republican prisoners were executed between 1939, when the Spanish civil war had ended, and 1956. This is the only memorial (last year’s one is dumped in the ground beside it). In the nearby cemetery there are numerous 12x12ft mass graves, in which the victims are identified as dying on a single day, but not the cause of death. The ceramic mass headstone pictured is for 53 people shot on 17 November 1939. After the fall of Franco the families were able to lay individual headstones, many with pictures, such as Blas Minana Donet (14/7/40 aged 44) here, and Salvador Borras Garcia (9/5/40 aged 42). Many of the newer headstones record “fusilado” - shot. The graves are well kept. But in a separate extension plot in the cemetery, unmarked, there may be 100s of undiscovered bodies of Franco’s victims. It will be noted that despite their photos many of the men at point of death were in their 30s, 40s and 50s - ie possibly non-combatants. In addition I will add that the iPhone’s camera app clearly identifies them as human faces, unlike the crosshairs of the soldiers and Guardia Civil who were ordered to shoot them. Finally, there is a very poignant detail: those exhuming the bodies today are discovering that the man who buried them (a Republican) placed a glass bottle containing a note of the name of each victim in their clothing.

theworstthingsforsale: Hey, they finally made that “DISLIKE”...

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 08:17:54 -0800

theworstthingsforsale:

Hey, they finally made that “DISLIKE” button you wanted! And it’s a self-inking stamper so you can go around your house frowning, stamping it on peoples’ pictures, stamping it inside of books you own, stamping it on your television screen.

Stamp it on your elderly grandmother. “Get me some Ensure.” Dislike.

Stamp it on your receipt. I can’t believe these prices. Dislike.

Stamp it on the entire Earth. We’re destroying everything, accelerating our demise through greed, hatred, ignorance, and fear. Until we evolve, every successive generation will be worse, feel worse, know less, and have less. And we won’t evolve. This is it, this is as far as we get, and we all know it. Dislike.

christiannightmares: Half-a-nightmare: Marijuana dispensary...

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 11:27:32 -0800

christiannightmares:

Half-a-nightmare: Marijuana dispensary owned by evangelicals hands out Bibles with their weed (To read the story, click image or here; For a related post, click here http://christiannightmares.tumblr.com/post/19584898808/baby-jesus-bong-found-at-the-blog-of-matthew-paul)

I think there’s a code somewhere which dictates that I’m obliged to reblog this

ghostorballoons: thebogeybosom: stfunithingas: alexandraerin: ...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 18:35:42 -0800

ghostorballoons:

thebogeybosom:

stfunithingas:

alexandraerin:

esmeweatherwax:

tombomp:

Hey Neil deGrasse Tyson! Here’s some cool facts:

1) The Mayan culture *still exists*. There are an estimated 7 million people who consider themselves Mayans still living in Central America, with their own unique culture, languages and traditions

2) Mayans never predicted the end of the world was going to come in 2012. Claims that they did were pretty much invented by people who didn’t understand their culture and wanted to sell shit. Perpetuating it is based on ignorant imperialist ideas.

3) A LOT of religions nowadays still practice animal sacrifice, including Hinduism and Islam. These alone take up approximately 40% of the world’s population. The contributions made by people of these religions to science in general have been immense. Dismissing an entire culture’s achievements because they perform animal sacrifice is bigoted, ignorant and gives an incredibly distorted view of the world

4) The wheel is not a mark of a “worthwhile” culture. It appears that the wheel was actually invented in one place and then spread throughout Eurasia and Africa, rather than being invented in multiple places, meaning by your metric it’s “hard to take science cues” from near every culture ever. Mesoamerican cultures had wheel-like objects but it’s likely they never developed it further because there were fewer uses for the wheel, as there was a lack of domesticateable animals that the wheel would be useful in conjunction with.

5) a) How could you *know* they didn’t predict their own *empire*’s (not culture) demise? We know virtually nothing about what people at the time thought and have too few examples of their writing to know. b) No empire ever has predicted its own demise as a mainstream view. What an absurd standard to hold

In conclusion, your comments are highly insulting and perpetuate racist myths about the Americas before the advent of European colonisation as well as the Native American populations today. Maybe do some research before you comment on these things again

Wow fuck you dGrasse Tyson

everyone fucks up

I’m very disappointed in you, NDT.

i am disappoint

and herein lies the problem with the meme-ification of “science.” It promotes the fallacious thinking that somehow “modern” society (better yet, the construction of modernity) is an epitome of progress, thereby allowing such dismissive assumptions of other cultures, histories, and groups of people

hahahaha, awful. smug positivism all over my life.

Neil man come on, don’t be dismissive of indigenous cultures just cause some turquoise-wearing wankers are appropriating their culture to sell their self-published e-books COME ON MAN you KNOW tumblr has a field day with shit like this

GHOST-MODERNISM: I’M VENTING MY PERSONAL BEEFS IN RAW UNTRAMMELED POEMS.I’M PRACTICING...

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:27:05 -0800

GHOST-MODERNISM: I’M VENTING MY PERSONAL BEEFS IN RAW UNTRAMMELED POEMS.I’M PRACTICING...:

ghostorballoons:

I’M VENTING MY PERSONAL BEEFS IN RAW UNTRAMMELED POEMS.

I’M PRACTICING STARTLING RHETORICAL KARATE MOVES IN THE OPEN AIR OF THE CONTEMPORARY.

MAKING HORRIBLE SOUND EFFECTS. NO I”M NOT. YES I AM. no i’m not

THE HEADS OF THE TOWN ALL BAFFLED AND SILENCED BY MY POWERFUL PDF’S AND FEEBLE LITTLE…

I’m honor-bound to reblog anything Chris types in all-caps.

That last LPJ story was TRUE!!!!!

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 14:19:00 -0800

That last LPJ story was TRUE!!!!!:

A little bit of Google-sleuthing has revealed that two kids did in fact die when their boat went over Niagara Falls in June 1913.

Niagara Falls, NY Two Youths Drown, June 1913

NIAGARA RAPIDS WHIRL TWO BOYS TO THEIR DEATHS.

LADS ARE AT MERCY OF RUSHING WATERS WHEN ROPE, ATTACHED TO SCOW, BREAKS NEAR FALLS.

YOUNGSTERS SHAKE HANDS WHEN FATE IS REALIZED.

FRANTIC CROWDS, HELPLESS ON BANK, WEEP AND PRAY AS BODIES DISAPPEAR IN WHIRLPOOL.

Niagara Falls, N.Y., June 22. — DONALD ROSCOE, 10 years old, and HUBERT MOORE, 9 years old, both of this city, went to their death in a small boat late this afternoon in the Whirlpool Rapids, while hundreds of men watched helpless from the shore.

The boys were playing in a flat bottom scow, half a mile above the rapids, when the rope holding the boat broke and they were carried out into the stream and down the river.

Up to the time the boat reached midstream it made little progress. After it passed the bridges the current carried it rapidly toward the rapids.

The bridgemen did not see the boat until it was close at hand. Then they called fire headquarters and two companies of firemen were sent to save the lads if possible. Hundreds swarmed to the river banks in a vain effort at rescue.

The boys, realizing their fate, stood up as the boat neared the edge of the roaring whirlpool and shook hands in farewell. A second later they were engulfed by a freak wave in the rapids. The boat shot out of sight. One of the boys was seen for a moment struggling in the rushing waters and then disappeared.

Never at any time was there a chance to save the boys. The firemen could do nothing. There were scores of passengers in the cars along the Gorge route and they watched the hopeless struggle of the boys. The hundreds who had gathered at the waters edge could offer no aid. Men became hysterical in their powerlessness and women passengers on the cars wept and prayed in distress at the plight of the lads, who were standing in the boat calling for help.

As the boat neared Swift drift, the first breaking of the river from the calm upper reaches to the rapids, it began to rock. The boys sat down to keep from tumbling into the stream.

Then, caught in Swift drift, the boat went racing under the cantilever bridge. Whatever hope the boys had of rescue was lost. Yes, they knew the fight was now all their own, as no one could help them.

As they passed under the bridge they ceased their cries for help. The two mates turned toward each other and calmly shook hands, then with the boat in the tumbling waters thew themselves on the seats of the scow and clung with all their strength.

The craft held to its course until it encountered a huge wave which crested at a height of forty feet. It seemed to dive into the very middle of the wave and when it came again to view it was bottom up. A second or two later, a little head was seen bobbing on a wave below for a moment and then was seen no more.

The bodies of the boys are in the whirlpool and may never be recovered. There was a quantity of driftwood whirling there this afternoon and the bodies may be beaten to a pulp, as were those of Mr. and Mrs. Eldridge Stanton of Toronto and Burrell Heacock of Cleveland, the victims of the ice bridge tragedy of Feb. 4, 1912, which were battered by cakes of ice.

The point where the boat broke loose is about a half mile from the beginning of the rapids. If drifted down in about twelve minutes, passing under the lower steel arch bridge at 4:55 o’clock.

The ROSCOE boy’s mother is very ill and was not told of the tragedy. The boys were member of well-known families of Niagara Falls. They had been chums for several years. Just before dark tonight watchers on the bank saw the bodies in the rapids, but could not reach them.